Movies, web series, anime and cartoons have sundry depictions of mental health but there is one aspect that has gone largely unexplored in pop culture – parents with mental health issues. Experts say the phenomenon is quite common across families and cultures, yet rarely discussed.

“The underlying factors can range from a lack of understanding regarding mental health matters to the existing stigma associated with seeking assistance,” says Dr Gorav Gupta, psychiatrist and co-founder of Emoneeds, a mental health startup.

Parents are the primary source of care for children in most cases. And though they can be strict, doting, divorced or happily married, their mental health is not defined by these adjectives, say experts. They can be strict yet mentally sound or doting yet struggling with issues. “Balancing caregiving responsibilities with other life commitments can be challenging,” says Dr Mazher Ali, consultant, psychiatry at CARE Hospitals, Banjara Hills, Hyderabad.

According to Shaireen Ali, a counselling psychologist at mental health startup Lissun, parents with prior experiences of abuse in childhood or marital violence are primarily responsible for abuse towards their children. “A history of parental psychopathology is a risk factor for increased rates of depression and other mental health problems in children,” she said.

A study published in Sage Journals measuring the long-term impact of parental mental health on children found that there were notable differences between those who experienced parental mental health problems in childhood and those who did not. “Over a third of those who experienced some type of parental mental health problem also reported suffering from mental health problems in childhood as compared to the 7.77 per cent among those who did not,” the study noted.

Lubasha Jain*, a final-year law student, says she is still dealing with problems, exacerbated by the mental health issues of her parents. “Even my own therapy sessions revolve around having to deal with the issues I have with my parents. I still am not able to process emotions properly or even express them. I find it hard to make deep interpersonal connections because I am so afraid of expressing myself,” she says.

For a child, understanding a parent’s struggle can be complex, especially if he or she is not receptive to help. Shreya Dhonchak*, a journalist, says she felt like she could not connect with her dad about his problems because he was never open about them. “I thought my own mental health issues had propelled him into his and often felt guilty about it,” she confesses.

Jain can empathise. She says it hurts her to see her parents in pain. “I feel helpless. It feels unfair. I feel responsible for their happiness and well-being. I feel like the parent sometimes. It makes me mad at times too. I want to let go of the feeling that I’m responsible for them,” she says.

Product designer Bhavya Agarwal, 24, finds it hard to be understanding of her mother, who struggled with depression even before she was born. “Being delusional and daydreaming is how I am surviving these days,” Agarwal says.

And when your parents might not be receptive to recognising these issues, let alone receiving help? Dr Ali says most of the time, the geriatric population remains underdiagnosed due to their rigid attitude against mental health.

Ankita Shahi, an accountant, faced similar issues with her father, who she says came from a generation for whom mental health issues were like lore.

Seeking a referral from the general physician or doctor can help with on-spot assessment and diagnosis, says Shaireen. But years ago, Shahi’s father took it negatively when his physician suggested he go to a psychiatrist. “He was so shocked at what the doctor said, he screamed at him saying, ‘Aapne mujhe pagal maan liya hai kya?’ (Do you think I am crazy?),” recalls Shahi, 35.

Shahi says she has learned to live with it now. “I try to cope with it spiritually. Or by giving myself space. But mostly, I just don’t do the things I know might trigger him,” Shahi says.

According to Jain, humanising her parents has helped. “As kids, we forget to humanise our parents and expect them to be perfect. And hold them responsible for everything that is wrong with us. It was only later that I realised that they were fighting their own battles. It is the little things that I notice now. Like skipping meals, not going out to socialise or not putting forward their views. Closeting and suffocating. Normalising pain and living with the fear of shame,” she says.

How can you help?

It can be challenging when you suspect that a parent might be struggling with undiagnosed mental health issues. Here are some steps to consider, according to experts:

Educate yourself
Shahi reveals that for more than half of her father’s life, nobody had thought he could have mental health issues. “We thought that is who he was,” she says.

Start by learning about the potential signs and symptoms of the mental health issues you suspect your parent might be experiencing, says Dr Gupta. This will help you better understand what they might be going through.

Open communication
Find an appropriate time to have an open and non-confrontational conversation with your parents. Express your concern for their well-being and share your observations without judgment. Make sure they feel comfortable talking to you.

Dhonchak’s father, she says, was more receptive to the idea of getting help because he knew that his daughter was getting it too, and it had left her the better for it.

If your parent is receptive, gently suggest seeking professional help from a mental health expert, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist. “Highlight the benefits of seeking treatment and offer to assist them in finding a suitable healthcare provider,” says Dr Ali.

Respect their boundaries
It is important to remember that your parent is an adult capable of making their own decisions. If they are not ready for help, you cannot force them. Respect their autonomy while still offering your support.

Agarwal shares that she had once managed to get her mother to a psychiatrist’s office but because of some mess-up with her medical history, the medicines he prescribed left her mother with side effects. “I was told they were right about therapy not being the solution,” she says.

Changing attitudes and seeking help for mental health issues can take time, Shaireen advises. “Be patient and understanding throughout the process,” she says.

Don’t hesitate to get help, if necessary
Should you notice their condition worsening or posing a potential threat to their overall well-being, taking the step of involving a mental health professional or a medical expert can offer essential guidance and support.

How can you help yourself?
Caring for parents facing undiagnosed or diagnosed mental health issues involves several important strategies. It can be emotionally taxing and unless you are mentally, emotionally and physically sound, you cannot help your parents with their mental health issues. So here are some ways to take care of yourself, too:

Practise self-care
Remember to prioritise your own well-being as well. Engage in activities you enjoy and seek support to manage your own feelings and stress. Indulge in comfort foods if those help. (Understand why we indulge in them in the first place)

Set boundaries
Set boundaries to prevent burnout, clearly defining limits while encouraging your parents to seek professional help such as therapy.

Consider therapy for yourself
Build a support network with friends, family, or groups who understand your situation, and consider seeking guidance from mental health professionals for both your and your parents’ benefit.

Reference Link

https://indianexpress.com/article/lifestyle/health/parents-with-mental-health-issues-8910786/